we never said

Wow it has been a while.
Things are progressing. People are finding ways into and out of my life. One door closes and another door opens. The thing is I have been feeling very spiritual lately and I do not think some people like it. I am sorry if your faith is lacking but I am trying to get on the right track. Sooo do not criticize me for trying. kthnx.

I do not regret my decision to move to Texas. Certain circumstances make it to where I need to come home right now. Short lived trip but now I have the nerve and a pretty dope place to come to when I return to the big TX.

I am glad some friends never change. Changing is good however just do not bring me down if I am changing too quickly for you.

I am not a creature of habit and refuse to live my life according to another persons plan.

Right now I am burning up at 1am in this house in Texas and I love it. Warm weather just makes some people happier(specially me!).

G-d for the first time in my life I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. For multiple reasons but wow it is so great to just do things for yourself for once!

I am going to come home soonish. Maybe this week maybe next week. I do not know. I am just putting faith into G-d and know I will find a way home in time.

I will get to see my beee beee(Squeeker).
I will get to see Ben graduate.
I will get to see my REAL friends.
I will know where I am driving to. haha

Everyone should just hop on a bus once and just go where your heart takes you. It is bold and very scary, but after everything settles. You come out with a newer perspective and stronger friendships.

I love everyone in my life right now and everyone that chooses to be in my life.

It's been about a month since I updated. Honestly I love updating this but, I just have not found the time. LIFE SUCKS lately. I guess not really. I just keep having awesome mood swings so it is hard to tell whether I am happy or not.

I move into my house on the 15th. I'm stoked.

you're the saddest person I know. I'm sorry.

oh dear.
it is March. My 19th birthday is in a month. I have not had a job for two months. I am thinking about going and begging for my job back at Bob's. I really miss the people there. But I really hate the food industry. WITH A PASSION.

subject change.

Boys.
You like me just accept it sir!
I am not so bad. Little needy at times, but not the worst case of clingy. I only get clingy when I feel a boy is pulling away. Most the time, I am fine. I do not have moments of jealous rage. I will however stalk your myspace comments, but who does not do that already? right, everyone! I take showers most days ;) I do not need your attention 100% of the time. I have friends of my own. I do not expect you to text me every time the wind blows. I do not expect you to pay for everything. I do not expect you to pick out what we do every time. I hate flowers and chocolate is bad for me. I like video games and will scream at basketball with you. I will not tell my Mom about you and force you to meet my parents. I do not like P.D.A. Hand holding is chill though. I would like you to call and tell me goodnight. But you do not have to call and tell me good morning, I am sure we will see each other eventually. No expectations, no promises that are usually broken.

Now seriously, am I THAT bad?

JUST MEET ME HALFWAY!

Alumni parking lot, HAH!

I hate sneezing. Meghan is trying to sleep cause her lady friend is coming tomorrow, and well girls gotta sleep. But when I sneeze it's like a million sneezes at once. EXTREMELY obnoxious. Ex-bf and I are talking again. It's nice. I think it's one of those I'm-never-going-to-think-about-you-without-thinking-about-us kind of things. But I have other boys to occupy myself with.

I hate that this is public, I don't know who reads it. I probably shouldn't write stuff like that out in the open.

But I guess I just don't give a damn.

: ) good night sir; I've got nothing to hide.

I'm free of all these things weighing me down. I have good people in my life. I hope I stay at this high level I am.

thank you so much for this.

I miss Ashley Daniels more than anyone on the face of this earth.

END OF STORY.

okay on another less important topic. I'm super thirsty. Meghan and I drove to Tennessee to hang with Rachel. Which had its perks, but all in all third wheel mode isn't the best thang in tha worl.

yeah I spelled those things incorrectly on purpose.

anyway, I love Tennessee. I would love to live there someday. But I don't know. I'm still trying to get my financial aid stuff done for the Art Institute. I wish I could just move to Pittsburgh though and live by myself for a while. I mean I love everyone here. But I would like to try to do it on my own. Plus living in the north east would be BOMB for art. Likez0mgamazing.(lame I know)

Hmm....I need to get a job pt.one million. Not because I need money. I don't I'm fine without money but I feel lazy. Sitting at home everyday, staying up until 6am and waking up at 2pm. Just ridiculously lazy.

but I better go fix my hair and make-up. Going to Saylor's tonight. we miss each other like a fat kid misses cake.

: )

Okay okay I'm sorry. I'm done being a whiny bitch. So what? Corey doesn't want to be with me. I'm okay with that. It was just a summer fling and that's all it was ever going to be. I'm waking up out of this slump right now. I'm going to shower, clean my room. And tomorrow I'm going to get up before noon and go find a job.

Good God. Where have I been?

I'm never letting someone get to me like that again.

It was kind of scary being that low.

Never again!

I sleep so much. I hate being sad.

WINTER GO AWAY! You're bringing me down.

I need a job before my parents kick me out.

I used to be so happy. We used to be so happy.

You used to call and beg me to tell you how much I miss you and how much you meant to me.

Now I can't tell you how I feel, because you can't return those feelings. I can't even talk to you.

I'm just a silly girl that caught a bad case of infatuation.

It hurts, more than I ever wanted to allow.
I built that wall for a reason and you made it come tumbling down. And you get to walk away without a feeling of hurt, or loss. I was nothing and you let me know that.

why.

I luh Meghan Rowe.

woops I mean, MEGHAN ROWE.

If you are scared, it is okay. I am scared too. Even you are unaware of what you fear. It is still okay to be afraid of the unknown. You need to find home, make it your home, and claim it as your own. because what is a life worth living, if you do not know where home is. I am finding home, in the people I see everyday, the music that moves me, and the places that will not remember.




no idea.

although I am sitting in a well heated room, drinking coffee, and listening to music I know this is not home. Because home is a warm face, and an embracing hug. Not whispers in the next room, or cold remarks.

I am just looking for home and trying to make the best of every situation God is throwing my way.

I hope I'm not self destructive. But I supposed if you were, you would just think you weren't.

Now I'm confused, god I paradoxes.

2009 woop woop

This year went by way too fast. A lot of things happened. More than I can bare to cope with right now. I graduated to high school. I saw the east coast! I almost lost a best friend this year. I met an amazing person I can't even speak to. I regained some great friends. I saw a woman die. I started college and dropped out of college. I work to make my own money. I live an honest life and I hope to keep on with that. I have found God through the hardest of times and he's been there shining a light for me to see through. This year went by too fast to catch everything. I can't believe it's over. But I don't want to be that person wishing to go back and change anything. Yeah I wish things with he and I had happened differently. Yes I wish I had gone home to talk to with her the night before.

You know what I learned?
forgiveness takes a lot out of a person. And anyone not willing to forgive someone for a mistake, has never made a mistake. I learned to let my wall down and let someone in, but I don't think I know how to let that wall back down.

When I think of this year I don't think of all the struggles. I don't think about how much I've cried, I think of the friendships that have gotten me to this point.

And I thank God everyday for this life I have.

shew son. I still got it, right?


super vague entry pt. one million!!

I love you.


wow it does feel better just to get that off my chest.